Brave or Just Being?

I never considered myself a particularly brave person. I always just thought of myself as someone who did what I wanted, after thinking through the idea thoroughly. Yet, for some reason, people kept calling me brave.

I didn't agree with them, I would usually just laugh and thank them. Then I would try to awkwardly change the subject, or explain how I'm not brave.

Then, I had the craziest year of my life. Two major breakups (one good, one not so good), a move, the death of my familiar (the cat I had had since I was 11), got three ferrets then realized I was NOT ready for that, left my day job, decided to work for myself full-time, then decided to move to Tulum, Mexico.

Talk about one hell of a year...

I felt crazy, insane, unhinged. But, somehow, I also felt more grounded, clear, and more myself than ever.

The eye of the storm phenomenon, if you will.

When we go through these big, life-impacting changes, it teaches us more about ourselves than the calm, comfortable times ever could.

When we are thrown for a loop, or forced to go through change, we have heightened emotions. Fear, anxiety, excitement, joy, stress, overwhelm. All of it. And as someone with a prior diagnosis of serve anxiety and general depression, I am very familiar with all of these feelings. They were nothing new.

The part that was new, was how I carried myself through all of these changes. In the past, I would have crashed out. I would have had panic or anxiety attacks, my body would have started slowly fighting against me with illness or manifested pain. I would have struggled immensely.

But during all of this uprooting, I noticed I felt surprisingly calm. Of course, I still had all of those emotions, but instead of fighting against them, or trying to push them off, or succumbing to them, I took a deep breath and floated amongst them.

I was able to face all of this change with grace, self-love and understanding that I had never had before.

I got myself to this place, what felt like finally, after years and years of finding and developing skills, healthy habits & coping mechanisms that actually worked for me.

Of course, growing up I had always heard about journalling, meditation, breathing, all those feel good techniques people tout and talk about. But they never clicked or worked for me. Instead, they felt overwhelming, stupid, or I didn't think they worked for me. Then I did something that us humans struggle with sometimes. I asked for help.

I met my favorite mentor, and now friend, Jane Lyon right when I needed her. She, as a Buddhist monk and fantastic meditation teacher, gave me the foundational building blocks for all of the practices that I now use to do things like wean myself off my anxiety medication, complete a move to a new country, and overall create the exact life for myself that I have always wanted but never knew how to get to. She taught me to do all of the good things we've all been told to do, but how to do so in ways that worked for me. She helped me realize that there is no right or wrong way to support yourself, and she gave me permission to explore, with an unwavering to reflect open & honestly. So for the past almost 2 years, I have been working with her to not only develop my own meditation, energy healing and lifestyle practices, but she certified me to use these tools and gifts to help others through her Healers School. Psstt... if you check her out after this and decide you want to work with her, ask me for my discount code 😘

She held the space for me to discover myself & helped me figure out the tools and approaches that worked for me. And in doing so, I slowly began to attune to myself in a new way.

Holding the keys to my first kingdom, aka my first solo apartment & move

In our modern society, we have become disconnected from our internal worlds, in favor of the external world.

Between social media, hustle/work culture, politics & the general state of the world, there is so much going on outside of ourselves that captures our attention and energy.

When we focus on all of this outside of ourselves, it makes it very hard to get in touch with our true selves.

Sure, we listen to our thoughts, and maybe we let ourselves feel our feelings, and we know how we're feeling, but we don't prioritize, or make time for ourselves.

Can you sit in silence? what are you feeling right at this moment, and why? Have you gone for a walk without your headphones in lately? Or engaged in any creative, expressive activities?

Now, I'm not saying partaking in the external world is a bad thing. Of course it isn't, especially given that it's unavoidable. We will always have things outside of ourselves to do and focus on. That's why it is even more crucial to make time to go inside of yourself. To get to know your thoughts and where they come from. To have conversations with your feelings and what they teach you. To create situations to connect deeply with yourself.

At the end of the day, we only have ourselves.

We have loved ones, friends, and family, but even these connections are not as pure and clear cut as the one we can have with ourselves. They will never be inside our minds or body, and communication only goes so far sometimes.

This is the secret that allows me the level of bravery I have...

I get to be brave because I know that I will always support & love myself. I know that even if I make mistakes, I can learn, fix and grow from them. I will make anything work, because I know how to best take care of myself. I can and will get myself through everything, because I am my own biggest supporter, cheerleader, and partner. I don't need someone else to give me permission, support, validation.

I get to give all of those things to myself, and the rest that I get is extra.

This allows room for bravery.

So, if you want to be brave, if you want to do things you never thought you could do, start by talking to yourself. Asking yourself what you want, opening an internal curiousity, and watching how it blossoms from there. As with most things, this is easier said than done. Especially with all of the information there is on how to do something like this. But if you want tailored support on this journey of self-discovery, don't be afraid to reach out. To me, to friends, to your therapist.

Like I mentioned earlier, part of what started me on this journey was giving myself permission to find help & support in what I wanted to do. Which took me further than I ever thought I would get.

So, if you're ready to be brave, connect with yourself, and open yourself to the support you truly deserve, you've already begun by finding this writing on this website, and I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work, and I will talk to you soon!

Love & warmth,

Angelina